125 Reasons Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex

  1. The average piece of chocolate is at least six inches long.
  2. Chocolates stay hard for a week.
  3. Chocolate won't tell you size doesn't count.
  4. Chocolates don't get too excited.
  5. A chocolate never suffers from performance anxiety.
  6. Chocolates are easy to pick up.
  7. You can fondle chocolates in a supermarket.
  8. ...and you know how firm it is before you take it home.
  9. Chocolates can get away any weekend.
  10. With a chocolate you can get a single room.
  11. ...and you won't have to check in as "MRS. Chocolate".
  12. A chocolate will always respect you in the morning.
  13. You can go to the movie with a chocolate ... and see the movie.
  14. At a drive-in, you can stay in the front seat.
  15. Chocolate can always wait until you get home.
  16. A chocolate won't eat all the popcorn.
  17. ... or send you out for Milk Duds.
  18. A chocolate won't drag you to a John Wayne film festival.
  19. A chocolate won't ask: "Am I the first!"
  20. Chocolates don't care if you are a virgin.
  21. Chocolates won't tell other chocolates you're a virgin.
  22. Chocolates won't tell anyone your not a virgin anymore.
  23. With chocolates, you don't have to be a virgin more than once.
  24. Chocolates won't write your name and number on the men's room wall.
  25. Chocolates don't have sex hangups.
  26. Chocolates won't make you wear kinky clothes.
  27. Chocolates won't go to bed with boots on.
  28. Chocolates aren't into rope or leather.
  29. You can have as many chocolates as you can handle.
  30. You only eat chocolates when you feel like it.
  31. Chocolates never need a round of applause.
  32. Chocolates won't ask: Am I the best? How was it?
  33. Chocolates aren't jealous of your Gynecologist, or hair dresser.
  34. A chocolate won't want to join your support group.
  35. A chocolate never wants to improve your mind.
  36. Chocolates aren't into meaningful conversations.
  37. Chocolates won't ask about your last lover...
  38. ...or speculate about your next one.
  39. A chocolate will never make a scene because there are other chocolates in the refrigerator.
  40. A chocolate won't mind hiding in the refrigerator when your mother comes.
  41. No matter how old you are, you can always get a fresh chocolate.
  42. Chocolates can handle rejection.
  43. A chocolate won't pout if you have a headache.
  44. A chocolate won't care what time of the month it is.
  45. A chocolate never wants to get it on when your nails are wet.
  46. A chocolate won't give it up for lent.
  47. With a chocolate, you never have to say you're sorry.
  48. Chocolates don't leave whisker burns, fall asleep on your chest, or drool on the pillow.
  49. A chocolate won't give you a hickey.
  50. Chocolates can stay up all night...
  51. ...and you won't have to sleep in the wet spot.
  52. ...want to shake hands and be friends.
  53. ...say, "I'll call you a cab."
  54. ...tell you he's not the marrying kind.
  55. ...call his mother, ex-wife, or therapist.
  56. ...take you to confession.
  57. Chocolates don't leave you wondering for a month.
  58. Chocolates won't make you go to the drugstore.
  59. Chocolates won't tell you a vasectomy will ruin it for them.
  60. A chocolate a day keeps the OB-GYN away.
  61. A chocolate won't work your crossword with ink.
  62. A chocolate isn't allergic to your cat.
  63. With chocolates, you don't have to play Florence Nightingale during the flu season.
  64. Chocolates never answer your phone or borrow your car.
  65. A chocolate won't eat all your food or drink all your liquor.
  66. A chocolate doesn't turn your bathroom into a library.
  67. Chocolates won't go through your medicine chest.
  68. A chocolate doesn't use your toothbrush, roll-on, or hairspray.
  69. Chocolates won't leave hair on the sink or a ring in the tub.
  70. Chocolates don't leave dirty shorts on the floor.
  71. A chocolate never fogets to flush the toilet.
  72. A chocolate doesn't flush the toilet while you are taking a shower.
  73. With a chocolate, the toilet seat is always the way you left it.
  74. Chocolate don't compare you to a centerfold.
  75. Chocolates don't tell you they liked you better with long hair.
  76. ...for another woman.
  77. ...for another man.
  78. ...for another chocolate.
  79. A chocolate will never call and say, "I have to work late, honey."
  80. ...and then come home smelling like another woman.
  81. A chocolate never snaps your bra, pinches your butt or gives you a snuggy.
  82. You always know where your chocolate has been.
  83. A chocolate never has to call "the wife."
  84. Chocolates never have mid-life crises.
  85. A chocolate won't leave you for a cheerleader or an ex- nun.
  86. Chocolates don't play the guitar and try to find themselves.
  87. ...is married.
  88. ...is on penicillin.
  89. ...likes you, but loves your brother.
  90. A chocolate doesn't have softball practice on the day you move.
  91. Chocolates never tell you what they did on R&R.
  92. A chocolate won't ask for a promotion just when you're up for a promotion.
  93. Chocolates don't care if you make more money than they do.
  94. A chocolate won't wear a leisure suit to your office christmas party.
  95. You don't have to wait until halftime to talk to your chocolate.
  96. A chocolate won't leave town on new year's eve.
  97. A chocolate won't take you to a disco and dump you for a flashy outfit.
  98. Chocolates never want to take you home to Mom.
  99. A chocolate doesn't care if you always spend the holidays with your family.
  100. A chocolate won't ask to be put throught Med school.
  101. A chocolate won't tell you he's outgrown you intellectually.
  102. Chocolates never expect you to have little chocolates.
  103. Chocolates don't say "Lets keep trying until we have a boy."
  104. A chocolate won't insist the little chocolates be raised Catholic, Jewish, or orthodox vegetarian.
  105. A chocolate will never contest a divorce, demand a property settlement or seek custody of anything.
  106. It's easy to drop a chocolate.
  107. You can GET chocolate
  108. "If you love me, you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
  109. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
  110. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
  111. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
  112. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
  113. If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.
  114. Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
  115. The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
  116. You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your work mates.
  117. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
  118. You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
  119. With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
  120. Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
  121. You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
  122. Good chocolate is easy to find.
  123. You can never be too young or too old for chocolate.
  124. When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.
  125. With chocolate size doesn't matter; its always good!
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